MR. & MRS. RIGHT
I have realized just how easy it is to give relationship advice. Anyone can do it that has been in a relationship. Any kind of relationship really, regardless whether that relationship was healthy or not. I have had my own share of breakups and one thing has been constant in all of them. My ex was the problem. She just wasn’t right for me. She never understood me. We fought a lot and I hate fighting. Therefore I am waiting for the right girl that will understand me.
See that is the typical relationship advice I would give if I was not being honest with myself. The truth is, in every single relationship that I was involved in and never worked out I shoulder half the blame. She never understood me because I never opened up to her about my feelings. She felt like I let her down so many times and I was not there for her because I never told her I was broke at the time she needed my financial help. I pretended I could help her but I was just buying time.
So now I lock myself in a defensive box, blame her for not understanding me when in all honesty all I have to do is accept that I have failed her. It is easier to move on to the next girl than to admit I have a problem and fix it. What I should say next is don’t break up before knowing what role you are playing in that breakup. The role you are playing in a breakup is more important than the reason you are giving her or she is giving you for the breakup. If I was giving a lecture in relationship seminar, I would repeat that. The role you are playing in a breakup is more important than the reason you are giving her or she is giving you for the breakup.
Think about it this way, it is like an impotent man who keeps marrying women and chasing them away because they can’t give him children and when those women remarry, they get pregnant. This man will never settle down in a marriage until he accepts he has a problem and goes for prayer or goes for a medical checkup. Just because he has sent away a woman, that woman does not go away with his impotence.
Go ahead; break up with all those girls, or boys. Until the day you will start thinking about the role you are playing in all these breakups, I am sorry but you will be that impotent guy.
I can’t leave it at that; let’s bring this to a conclusive end. I want to start enumerating points as to what you should now do to avoid this kind of behavior, and as soon as I said that I realized I will just be another guy giving unwanted relationship advice. As such, I will do something else.
Everyone has a negative flaw that is fatal to a relationship at some point. Some may take longer to manifest or your partner may have certain patience for it but that can only last for so long. Think about this negative trait that you possess. Is it something that can be changed and sacrificed for the greater good?
Does it mean that I am saying people should not break up? Hell no, there are other relationships I would not wish for my worst enemy to be in. run away from such relationships. How to know if a relationship is good for you or not and when is the right time to let go, that is a whole article on its own. For now, I want you to meditate on your negative traits, what role those traits have played in your past relationships and current breakup you are going through. There may yet be time to save whatever you have left.