I WANT TO DIE

I WANT TO DIE
“Hey, how are you doing today?”
“I am great.”
How many times have you lied about that when deep inside you just want to scream and run around cursing and break into tears? Because the truth is you are broken. You are slowly loosing yourself to the people around you. Everyone takes a piece of you when they make you do something you don’t want to but because you want to make them happy you smile and let them take away a little of your happiness. Sometimes that person sleeps next to you every night; he is the father of your kids. The guy you thought loved every flaw on your body and spirit. That best friend that you think you cannot do without.
So you take their mistakes and make them your own. You keep burdening yourself. Making excuses for them. Let us try and figure out why? Why would anyone suffer in silence for the mistakes and burdens of others? The first answer that comes to my mind is the society. The expectations it has created over the years for certain people to behave in a certain way. Wives are always expected to be submissive, always living under the rule of the husband. Girls are expected to dress in a descent manner, always cross their legs while sitting. Always get the best grades in school for it is the only way you can succeed in life. My point is, we are born into these expectations and therefore for the rest of our short and miserable life we endeavor to meet them.
You always want the society to see how happy your marriage is but that guy that holds your hand while going to church is the very same guy that raped you last night. The church can’t find that out, you will be branded a bad wife. So what do you do? Your boyfriend is cheating on you and you know it, but because you think you are getting too old and need to settle down, you make excuses for him, say he is just scared of commitment and deep down he loves you. You stay with him, though inside you are dying.
I say the society and the expectations it has created can go f itself. How about when that man that calls himself the father of your children tries to lay a hand on you, instead of crying and letting him continue to hurt you, fight back. Show him how strong you really are. Fighting back doesn’t always have to be physical but if you are physically strong too why not.  When your boyfriend is cheating on you how about you leave him regardless what number your birthday says your age is.
Then there are those people who make you feel inferior like they are doing you a favor just by being in the same room with you. They snatch away your self-esteem and you always have to be around them for you to feel like you belong, like you are wanted. I have few words for these groups, just cut them off. Move on, there are better things ahead.
Let me finish with the kind that hurt you to transfer their pain onto you. They pretend to be like a father and when no one is watching, just when you feel comfortable with them, they take away your innocence, your dignity, respect, joy, strength. These are the worst of them all. Let us cast them into the lake of burning Sulfur. Let us watch them burn and smile and when we turn back to leave them to their damnation; walk away with our dignity, our respect. Let us carry our strength and joy with us. Take our memories of the good qualities in us and just walk away.
So, “how are you doing?”





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